Men cannot read minds ladies, so if you want something ASK for it!

Men are wonderful, but they are not psychic, and ladies we need to remember this.

There are many fun memes on social media that mock men’s inability to do certain things.

Some are great fun and often ‘nail it’ when thinking of a specific male in your life. However, I am sure men find the silly memes about women just as funny.

Are men and women really that different?

All men are different and how they behave and react to any given thing is dependant upon how they grew up, the support they received during their formative years and the network of friends and associates they have around them today. The same can be said for women too.

Both can excel and make excellent parents and role models, however, some men and women fail dismally in this area too.

  • Both enjoy knowing that they are appreciated
  • Both enjoy being loved and cared for
  • Most enjoy loving and caring for others
  • Both become stressed
  • Both tend to become angry and aggressive when things go wrong
  • Both do not enjoy feeling inadequate or unable to cope
  • Both enjoy success, be it on the sports field, catching the most or biggest fish, arts and crafts

Men can become stressed and overwhelmed in the same way that women do. 

Handling stress 

Here is where the differences between men and women become apparent.

Men, unlike women, often find it difficult to talk about emotional issues. They usually handle stressful situations differently to women. Possibly due to the social conditioning that they have received from a very early age about the “appropriate” emotions they can display as men.

Men tend to be very ‘reactionary’ and respond immediately to certain situations, often with aggressive body language and swear words, as do some women.

My father was a gentleman yet he swore like a trooper when upset. Not usually in front of women or children, but loud enough that I could hear from across the road where he worked. I never witnessed any physical aggression, and I am sure I would have known about it if there had been. We lived in a small community where everyone knew everyone else’s business.

My partner swears when things go wrong, we live on a boat, and so there is no way I couldn’t hear him when he does.

In my experience, this sort of “reactionary swearing” assists in defusing the situation for both men and women. So long as there is no associated violence towards others present I am inclined to think it may not be as bad as it sounds.

However – I do know that people can learn not to swear in front of their children and ladies of a certain age who may be offended. Men in the blue collar industry who have a deeply ingrained knowledge of the language they can use “with the boys,” often take care of their language when there are ladies or children present.

Women usually have a network of friends to whom they vent their anger, distress and frustrations.

Men are not usually very articulate when it comes to feelings so the tend to bottle things up.

Men

  • Men tend to take things at face value and respond accordingly  
  • Men find women confusing because they do not ‘see’ situations in the same way that they do 
  • Men tend not to pick up on subtle cues 
  • Men accept statements at face value
    they accept “I’m fine”, until learning, usually the hard way, that this is a passive language trap

Women

  • Women are usually very in tune with the feelings of the people around them
  • Sensitive to nuances such as body language, having an understanding of the ‘whole’ situation rather than simply what is happening at the moment
  • They have a strong tendency to ‘over-think’ things 
  • Women find men frustrating because they do not ‘see’ situations in the same way that they do

Men are not psychic, cannot read minds. In particular, they usually do not understand what the lady they love is thinking.  

Miscommunication Issues:

I firmly believe that most relationship issues, within families and partnerships, in particular, are due to the way we communicate with one and other.

When men receive a few negative responses to a comment or comments made about family issues they tend to ‘shut down’ and ‘play things safely’ by no longer getting involved. This behaviour can lead to the man experiencing a feeling of isolation or exclusion which can cause distress, possibly anger as well as a sense of frustration.

When women receive a negative response to a comment or comments made concerning family issues they tend to ‘fire up’ and become more forceful in their communications with men, which often makes the situation worse.

Women get frustrated because the man in their life often do not seem to be aware of what is going on around them. They know their man is intelligent, yet he doesn’t seem to be able to see things that, to the woman, are blatantly obvious 

A fairly common scenario when children are involved

The family is almost ready to leave home for a visit to grandparents. 

Mother is getting stressed because the kids are not ready. 

Dad is getting stressed for the same reason. 

Mother can see that little Johnie needs to put on his shoes and coat and knows that the back door is still open.

Dad seems to be standing at the door ‘admonishing’ them for not being ready. 

Mom gets upset because Dad isn’t helping. 

No one is particularly happy here.

Thoughts in the mother’s head include ‘I have to do everything around here – why doesn’t he help more’ / ‘this happens overtime we go anywhere.’

Thoughts in the father’s head include ‘We are late, they look ready, what is the issue / oh ‘bugger’, she is upset again. It happens every time we go anywhere’.

This situation suggests that the lack of communication between the woman and the man is not a new thing.

Simple solution:

  • The man would speed things up if he asked if there was anything he could do to help
  • The woman would feel less stressed if she asked for some assistance
  • The situation could have been avoided if both parties had simply discussed what was required to be done before leaving 

However, we need to go a few steps back in the relationship’s history. It is possible that in the early days of raising a child or children, the mother did most of the childcare tasks. Things like putting on shoes and a coat are probably automatic for the mother because she has got so used to doing it. 

The child may not even think of asking his father because his mum always does it.

Because the woman has always been the one to close the back door and check it was locked the man didn’t think to do so.

Men tend only to see what is in front of them, and it may not even have occurred to the man to check if the back door was locked because he hadn’t been outside.

Women, however, tend to have ‘helicopter vision’ and because of this, they think of all possible scenarios required to keep their home and loved ones safe. I often told by my man that I am ‘overthinking again’.

An excellent way to avoid a repetition of this sort of scenario would be for both the man and woman to talk to one another and let each know what is still to be done and decide who will do it before they get ready to leave.

The ‘What do you want for your Birthday?’ trap

Typically the man asks his lady what would she would like for your birthday and usually the woman something along the lines of ‘oh don’t bother to get me anything – we can’t afford it at this time’.

Said male usually takes that at face value and doesn’t bother to get anything OR arrange anything to celebrate the birthday which results in his lovely lady feeling upset and unloved.

Trust me on this one girls, if you want something from your man ASK for it.

If your budget is not quite up to gift purchasing why not let your man know that you would like to have a DAY OFF for your birthday. Be sure to explain with lots of details exactly what a day off from family responsibilities entails.

A young friend of mine made sure that she tole her man that she wanted a complete day off.

He got the kids ready for school, did the breakfast, organised the lunches, got the kids to school and cooked tea in the evening when he got home from work.

She said it was great fun and the kids helped him to clean up after the meal. She really did have a day off. She told me she had wished she had thought of it years ago!

Take a day off to relax

Communication tips for both men & women:

It is not unusual for members of a couple to want to spend time apart with other leisure pursuits, alone or with friends – see ‘Me Time” below

Children are greatly influenced by how their parents behave. If you, as their parents, have excellent communication skills you will be able to give them a significant advantage in life quickly

Listening and being able to be understood are invaluable life skills to teach your children

Good communication takes time and effort. Invest your time and put in the effort, trust me the rewards are beyond price

Arrange some time where only the two of you are together, preferably without children to distract you. Make it a DATE NIGHT

Date Nights

Be somewhere where you can talk comfortably, probably not a noisy restaurant or bar initially. Acknowledge that you are both probably feeling frustrated by recent issues and be prepared to listen to each other

Make a simple list of things you want to discuss if you are worried you will forget things.

A reminder that communication is a two-way thing and so you both need to be able to contribute how you feel at the moment.

  • What is working well now?
  • What can we agree to do that will make things easier for both of us?
  • What fun thing can we work towards that will make our lives more enjoyable? 
  • Planning a trip away, even into the future gives one a glorious sense of anticipation for fun times ahead.

Arrange to have regular Date Nights in the future so that you can reinforce your feelings for each other and have some kid-free fun.

Never withhold sex as a means of punishment because you believe your partner is not communicating with you. That is a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

ME Time:

Is time apart from your immediate family, away from your usual family responsibilities. It can be time alone doing something you enjoy such as painting, photography, fishing, etc.

Or time with friends such as meeting for coffee, a few drinks, watching a sports game, cinema, a concert, BBQ etc.

“Me Time” gives you something positive to look forward to when things are getting a bit mundane or tedious on the home front

“Me Time” is equally important for men and women

“Me Time” gives you an opportunity to “recharge your batteries” and be better able to face the challenges of every day living

Everyone needs a little “Me time” in their lives